Monday, May 4, 2009
Where did my boy go?
Ok so I seriously thought long and hard about posting this but I want to be real for everyone that might be going thru this and those that might go thru it later. Everyone has asked how are we doing, how is Noah, how is everyone adjusting. My answer for the past week as been that we are all doing fine and Noah seems to be adjusting rather well considering all the changes in his short life. Today I found myself wondering where the little boy I brought home from Ethiopia disappeared to. Sometime during the night my happy smiley boy was replaced with one that seems to be grieving. Yes I saw glimpses of that adorable smile today that melts my heart but I also spent a good portion of the day feeling like I was in combat. Everything was a battle with him today from eating, getting dressed, diaper change, napping all a battle of wills. A couple times while sitting on the floor playing he just started screaming and crying for no reason. When I went to pick him up and comfort him he would start thrashing and trying to push me away. Yes we were told this could happen and yes we read books but nothing and I mean NOTHING can prepare you for the moment when the child that you love so much seems scared and doesnt want you to touch him after two weeks of everything being ok. My heart broke for this child, my son because all I wanted to do was hold him and love him and it was a power struggle. I wasn't sure if I should hold him tighter or just let him go so I held on and I tried to talk to him over his tears and screaming to tell him that I knew he was sad and that was ok but I loved him and I wasn't going away. This mommy thing is tough. Throw an active 10 month old at any couple that doesn't have kids and I guarentee it will be hard. Add to that the journey to a foreign country and back and now the sadness and helplessness and it puts it at a whole new level. This will take time and we will get thru this but I ask today for your prayers. For Sean and I to have the patience it takes to help Noah Tamirat through this rough time. And for Noah for god to heal his heart and help him accept us as his parents. He has had many people in his short life that have loved him very much and I can't even imagine what he must be feeling.